apologies|| the real deal

I've been thinking a lot about something lately. This is another one of those things that I struggle with in other people, and then when I sit down to think about it, I realize its one of my big{er} problems too. = So, because of a rather painful situation, I started out pondering this: How do we know if someone really truly means it when they say "Im sorry"? But then I quickly came to the realization that I should instead be pondering this> How do people know that I really mean "I'm sorry"? In many situations I've been in {especially recently}, I've come to the conclusion that many people think its simply okay to just say I'm sorry, and to make no other change whatsoever.  Too often I'm caught up in that same trap. I say I'm sorry just because its whats acceptable, but sadly, I don't always mean it.

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

If someone really truly means that they are sorry, then something will change, FOR THE BETTER.

So obviously this verse is talking about salvation, but the same mindset can be used for an apology. 

You cannot just throw around I'm sorry. You really need to mean it when you say it. And you need to realize that once you say it, something needs to change.

Lately we've been working on teaching Sam {a 2 year old!!!} to not just say "I'm sorry.", but to go one step farther and say "Will you please forgive me."

We haven't been working on it for long, but already as soon as you start to correct him, or he realizes {many times on his own} he has done something wrong he will run back to you, climb up on your lap, look into your eyes with tears in his, and say "Sissy, I'm sorry! Will you please forgive me for ______?"

Sam is 2, and he already many times realizes when he does wrong. How this has convicted me. Many times I do realize that I have done wrong, but how often do I go back and ask for forgiveness? And worse yet, how many times do I mean my apology and make a change?

And so to conclude: we can tell if someone really does or doesn't mean it when they say "I'm sorry." by simply noting whether they make a change or not. And the same goes for them being able to tell if we really mean it

Here are a couple links I'd like to share. Hope you'll check them out, and please keep in mind that I don't necessarily agree with everything in these posts or on the sites!

 4 Steps to a Genuine Apology
Although written for children I found this post very helpful personally!!! It explains how to give an apology that makes you <the giver) think too!!!

A Better Way to Say Sorry
This was a really cool story, and the inspiration for the ^above^ post.

Peace: in, out, or wait
I came across this really really good post today, and I can't help but share it, because lets face it> people don't always apologize like they should. I'm still kind of stunned at all the truth here as I keep reading back through. I desperately needed this one! Forgiveness is something that in a lot of situations, especially those where the other person absolutely DOES NOT care, is something we must work on daily. We must daily die to self, to the anger, the bitterness and the hurt. And when we want to make it okay, and they don't we just have to LET GO.

I'm going to include a little bit:

If you’re in and the other person is out, or waiting for something from you, you might have to forgive them for yourself and move on. Forgiveness isn’t really about the other person. I’ve been blessed with the unfortunate luck of getting to forgive a few people things for which they’ve never apologized. I remember initially thinking it was impossible to forgive someone without them realizing their fault and asking for forgiveness. But after years of waiting I realized I was only punishing myself as I waited for something they were literally incapable of doing. The waiting kept me stuck in the victim role and allowed the anger and hurt to smolder. The longer I held it the more bitter I became. It infected my spirit. And I realized forgiveness doesn’t excuse the offense. It doesn’t mean you relinquish the pain or say it was okay or doesn’t matter. Quite the contrary. It merely takes the heavy burden of waiting, convincing, and punishing off your back. It sets the other person free to come to you on their own but, more importantly, it sets you free to move forward. Not excusing the offense, but letting it go nonetheless."

- See more at: http://www.graceuncommon.com/peace/#sthash.cFHNcL2Q.dpuf

God Doesn't Hear Me?

     Have you ever prayed, but felt that no matter how hard, or how long you pleaded, you just couldn't seem to get a hold of God? You felt as if your prayers were only going as high as the ceiling, and you couldn't understand why?

I have. 

     One morning, as I was sitting and listening to a lesson being taught by a very godly, very wise preacher, I realized he was making a painstakingly good point. He gave three reasons as to why God does not hear your prayers. They were short, sweet, and to the point. Well, short and to the point, anyways, and full of wisdom.
     The first point he made, hit the nail on the head, at least in my life. How often, when we pray, does our prayer go along the lines of, "...Dear Lord, thank you for the day, bless it, keep me safe, and my friends and family, bless all who are sick and dying, be with so-and-so, forgive me of my many sins and where I fail you..yada yada...amen."? 
     I admit, I am guilty, as charged. Nothing wrong with that prayer though, right? Wrong. The problem? It's backwards. You do not pray, and then confess, you confess, and then pray. If you take a look at Psalm 66:18, you might understand why. 

  • If I regard iniquity in my heart, the LORD will not hear me: 
-Psalm 66:18

That brings us to the first point.

  (1.) God cannot hear prayer because of unconfessed sin. 

     Good news though. God assures us in 1 John 1:9, that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.". When I heard this, however, I immediately thought, "Well, what if I can't remember every. single. sin. I had committed in a day? I mean, it could range from lying, to a bad attitude, to maybe contemplating swiping that nickel I found on the counter. I can't remember EVERYTHING." That's when the pastor seemed to have read my mind. You see, God says that if we confess our sins; the sins we remember, the ones that we know we're guilty of, then He is faithful and just to forgive us of them, and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. All. Not just the things we remember. But the things we can't, as well. That's pretty amazing. We serve a merciful and gracious God! 

    The second point the preacher made, was this:

  (2.) God cannot hear our prayer because of unbelief. 

Hebrews 11:16 says that, "Without faith it is impossible to please Him.." The rest of the verse tells us that, if we come to God, we must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. However, before we pray, we must ask ourself the question, is it the will of God? If you can validate the will of God through the word of God, you are to step out on faith, and do it. James 1:5-7 tells us that, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord." Notice the part where it says, "But let him ask in faith...", again bringing up the matter of belief. If we have faith that God shall bring something to pass, then He shall, in His will. Simple as that. He even said so, in Mark 11:24. 

  • Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. 
- Mark 11:24

Believe, and "Ye shall have" is what He promised. 
    The next two verses in this chapter bring about the third, and last point. 

  (3.) God cannot answer prayer because of an unforgiving spirit.

  • And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
-Mark 11:25-26

     If you are not willing to forgive the wrong of others, then God is not going to forgive you, thus keeping that wall of separation between you and the Lord, and forming a rift in your relationship with Him. We are commanded over and over in the Word of God to forgive, even as Christ has forgiven us. Ephesians 4:31 tells us to, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." 

     Forgiveness is essential in the Christian's life, especially if we wish to have a close relationship with the Lord. 

     So, the next time you can't seem to get God's attention in the prayer closet, maybe it's because there's something in your heart that needs to be dealt with. I challenge you to ponder these things, and maybe even find a quiet place, where you can get things right with God, so your relationship with Him is once again restored. And remember that He faithful and just, merciful and gracious. He is wanting and waiting to forgive. :)