apologies|| the real deal

I've been thinking a lot about something lately. This is another one of those things that I struggle with in other people, and then when I sit down to think about it, I realize its one of my big{er} problems too. = So, because of a rather painful situation, I started out pondering this: How do we know if someone really truly means it when they say "Im sorry"? But then I quickly came to the realization that I should instead be pondering this> How do people know that I really mean "I'm sorry"? In many situations I've been in {especially recently}, I've come to the conclusion that many people think its simply okay to just say I'm sorry, and to make no other change whatsoever.  Too often I'm caught up in that same trap. I say I'm sorry just because its whats acceptable, but sadly, I don't always mean it.

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

If someone really truly means that they are sorry, then something will change, FOR THE BETTER.

So obviously this verse is talking about salvation, but the same mindset can be used for an apology. 

You cannot just throw around I'm sorry. You really need to mean it when you say it. And you need to realize that once you say it, something needs to change.

Lately we've been working on teaching Sam {a 2 year old!!!} to not just say "I'm sorry.", but to go one step farther and say "Will you please forgive me."

We haven't been working on it for long, but already as soon as you start to correct him, or he realizes {many times on his own} he has done something wrong he will run back to you, climb up on your lap, look into your eyes with tears in his, and say "Sissy, I'm sorry! Will you please forgive me for ______?"

Sam is 2, and he already many times realizes when he does wrong. How this has convicted me. Many times I do realize that I have done wrong, but how often do I go back and ask for forgiveness? And worse yet, how many times do I mean my apology and make a change?

And so to conclude: we can tell if someone really does or doesn't mean it when they say "I'm sorry." by simply noting whether they make a change or not. And the same goes for them being able to tell if we really mean it

Here are a couple links I'd like to share. Hope you'll check them out, and please keep in mind that I don't necessarily agree with everything in these posts or on the sites!

 4 Steps to a Genuine Apology
Although written for children I found this post very helpful personally!!! It explains how to give an apology that makes you <the giver) think too!!!

A Better Way to Say Sorry
This was a really cool story, and the inspiration for the ^above^ post.

Peace: in, out, or wait
I came across this really really good post today, and I can't help but share it, because lets face it> people don't always apologize like they should. I'm still kind of stunned at all the truth here as I keep reading back through. I desperately needed this one! Forgiveness is something that in a lot of situations, especially those where the other person absolutely DOES NOT care, is something we must work on daily. We must daily die to self, to the anger, the bitterness and the hurt. And when we want to make it okay, and they don't we just have to LET GO.

I'm going to include a little bit:

If you’re in and the other person is out, or waiting for something from you, you might have to forgive them for yourself and move on. Forgiveness isn’t really about the other person. I’ve been blessed with the unfortunate luck of getting to forgive a few people things for which they’ve never apologized. I remember initially thinking it was impossible to forgive someone without them realizing their fault and asking for forgiveness. But after years of waiting I realized I was only punishing myself as I waited for something they were literally incapable of doing. The waiting kept me stuck in the victim role and allowed the anger and hurt to smolder. The longer I held it the more bitter I became. It infected my spirit. And I realized forgiveness doesn’t excuse the offense. It doesn’t mean you relinquish the pain or say it was okay or doesn’t matter. Quite the contrary. It merely takes the heavy burden of waiting, convincing, and punishing off your back. It sets the other person free to come to you on their own but, more importantly, it sets you free to move forward. Not excusing the offense, but letting it go nonetheless."

- See more at: http://www.graceuncommon.com/peace/#sthash.cFHNcL2Q.dpuf